I've got a lovely bunch of monkey nuts

Published on Mon 30 Jul 2007

So, Dan and I were sitting eating our dirty chicken in my garden at lunchtime today and this happened on my side of the picnic bench.

I'm a bit concerned I may have a splinter in my arse, but I can't think of a sensible way to find out. It makes me think I should cut down on the dirty chicken.

He'd come round to do a bit of recording and, like last time he came round to do some recording, it turned out much better than anything I've ever managed. I'd like to say it's because things that bother me about recordings of me don't bother me in recordings of other people, but I think it's because he makes nicer noises. You can hear the result on his myspace page. It's called "Millionaire" and sounds great.

I had an absolutely brilliant time at the Secret Garden Party over the weekend. We had a great time last year, but we were there in a bigger group this time, all the little problems they had because it was getting popular had been fixed, the music was in a different league and the food was just awesome. All I would say is that they were much stricter on taking alcohol in than before. Which was a shame, and must have doubled the price of the festival (for people who had to pay for tickets).

We got there on the Thursday to get a decent camping spot and into the festival spirit well ahead of time, having stocked up on essentials on the way.

Once we'd got the tents up and had a beer or two (outside the site), we had a wander round, looking at some of the strange things that were dotted about, and running into people we knew.

Later in the evening there was a fire parade, where a series of campfires were lit by guys dressed as vikings who were carrying around flaming torches and a bucket of paraffin. After they lit the one we were watching some guys dressed as cats try to fan the flames to such a degree that they went out. Some enterprising people got it going again though with the aid of some rather damp litter.

Friday was mostly spent watching music, which I'm leaving till the end to talk about (sorry this post is quite so long - be thankful I'm not going to bother recording last week's exciting adventures) and was a really good day.

This photo of my friend Joel with salami in his mouth isn't really relevant, I just thought it needed showing.

Saturday was all about the music in the afternoon, but the night got a bit crazy after we won a pub quiz in the main bar (at last a decent pub quiz - hard questions that we happened to know) and they gave us a bottle of not overly nice tasting champagne, which I put my share of in my pint. We also got forced to stay in the bar by the rain. If you see my list of bands below you'll notice it ends at Hafdis Huld, who was on at about 5 I think... She was adorable by the way - they shouldn't bother with the pop songs and just release records of her saying stuff. I'd buy that for a dollar.

Sunday was all about recovering enough to do my set at half 2, which I thought went really well - the audience seemed to be on our (Jody and me) side from the moment the power went as soon as we got up there (or maybe because between us we knew a fair few of them), so didn't seem mind the odd cock up or stupid comment, of which there were legion. Dan came and sang Hannah's parts on "A Folly or a Fortress". He was going to play tambourine (I even bought him a substandard one for �5 from an ethnic instruments stall) but bottled it. Damian Mercer who I've run into before and is a terribly nice man, lent me a plectrum, because, as ever, I forgot to take one. He also taught me the correct way to hold them.

Setlist: Edinburgh, Alabaster, Watertight, Ball and Chain, A Folly or a Fortress, So Finally a Love Song, Soaked to the Skin, Phosphorus Burn.

I got a fair few people saying nice things to me about it as I walked around the site afterwards. Which makes me very happy.

As far as the music goes, the programme appeared to be describing all the bands in 5 words so I've done the same with the ones I saw. I'd have written what the programme said to compare, but I lost mine on the Saturday night. I've missed out people who are friends of mine - take it as read that they were great.

Friday:

Battle: Very enjoyable, if not inspirational.
Hicks Milligan-Prophecy: Genius if odd. Creamy Windows.
The Zoltan Kodaly School For Girls: Recorders never sounded so good.
The Hoosiers: Did I even see them? (seriously, I thought I had, but I can't remember anything about them - even having checked their site for some kind of hint)
The New York Fund: Nice enough. Think Del Amitri.
Foy Vance: Would be a decent busker.
Echo and the Bunnymen: Sounded like the Lightning Seeds.
Little Barrie: Boring. I actually fell asleep.
The Noisettes: Better. I still fell asleep.
Alabama 3: Very good fun, as usual.

Saturday:

Frank Turner: I Really Like Frank Turner
Anton Barbeau: I Really Like Anton Barbeau
Candi Payne: Alright I guess. Nice legs.
Hot Puppies: Much better than Candi Payne.
Hafdis Huld: Can I keep her? Please?

Sunday:

I'm From Barcelona: The best thing I saw.
Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan: Good, but don't talk enough.
Martha Tilston: Alright. Not really my thing.
Kate Walsh: Better. Not really my thing.
Terry Reid: I think he was drunk.
This is Seb Clarke: Fabulous. 5 piece horn section.
Soko: That was a joke, right?
Of Montreal: Good music, really cool acrobats.

A couple deserve more than five words. Frank Turner was excellent again, though I'd have liked to have heard a few quiet ones I can see why he kept it pretty upbeat, being on the main stage. Anton Barbeau was perhaps the best I've seen him, maybe because I've not seen him with bass before. Hicks Milligan-Prophecy and The Zoltan Kodaly School for Girls were both delightfully weird - the former having two singers (one of whom was in a brilliant African Explorer hat) who took it in turns to perform such classics as "Pro-Celebrity Prostitution" and "Creamy Windows" and the latter dressing up as schoolgirls to perform contemporary hits (and Rock Me Amadeus) on 3 recorders and the same model Yamaha keyboard as I have had since the age of 12. Genius is not too strong a word.

This is Seb Clarke were also fantastic - so full of enthusiasm and team spirit and matching suits. The horn section were all yelling along and throwing themselves about whenever they weren't playing. at one point there was a drum solo and the rest of the band crowded round him clapping and egging him on. It's not the kind of music I listen to really, but I'd go and see them again in a second.

I'm From Barcelona also had me grinning like a loon. I'd heard them on the radio quite a bit, and thought it was stupid, but live, complete with at least 9 members who make no contribution other than grinning, dancing, clapping and occasionally taking pictures of other members of the band it was incredibly uplifting. They should've gone on last. Except I'd have missed them then because I had to go to bed extremely early on the Sunday.